I'm only me when i'm with you
by duckmadgirl
Summary: Jessica bird is a young navy sailor on her first ship. she feels like she can only be her true self around one other person on board. "It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you" (I do not own the lyrics to i'm only me when im with you)
1. Chapter 1

Jessica sat on the bridge starring out in to the vast seas ahead with the sun setting. She had drawn the short straw and landed on duty watch in home port. It was the most boring part of Navy watch and the dullest watch ever. 12 hours of doing practically nothing as being in home port with port security doing a patrol meant they were fairly secure with hardly any chance of anything happening. She looked down at her watch it was showing 18:15, sighing she had only being on watch for 15 minuets and still had another 11 and ¾ hours to go. This was going to be a long boring night

Sitting her self in the captains chair she picked up a pair of binoculars that were lay on the side. Staring out in to the darkness beyond her as predicted she could see a big fat nothing. Sighing she wished she could be at home, curled up with a good book or watching a film. She was so buisy daydreaming out of the window she failed to see Dutchy walking on to the bridge behind her.

"SEAMAN BIRD!" he called asserting his authority as Petty Officer but still trying to stifle laughs "just what do you think you are doing"

Jessica jumped out of the seat turning to face him. "err umm..." her mind going in to overdrive trying to think of a excuse "umm Playing I-spy" she grinned

Smiling he grinned stepping towards her." On your own?" he questioned

"yeah its quite fun" she cringed why couldn't she think of a better answer. "at least I always win"

He laughed handing her a thermos of coffee. "so how does it actually work"

" it doesn't. I am loosing 2-1 to my self" she let out a laugh at her self

He laughed again, rolling his tongue across his lip. "how about a match with me"

"umm okay. I spy with my little eye something beginning with C" she smiled grinning over her coffee cup.

"C?" he questioned looking round the bridge. There were several things beginning with C on the bridge. Communications, consoles chairs. He looked at her trying to read her like his training had taught him. It was clear what she had chosen. After a few seconds he smiled "coffee?" he asked

"how the hell did you get that so quick" she exclaimed

"didn't you know I am psychic" he grinned as she took it in believing him. "well that and your poker face is rubbish. Just don't play poker with 2-dads he will absolutely rinse you for all you have got"

"DAMN!" she laughed "okay your turn"

"your on. I spy with my little eye something beginning with Q"

"Q?" she questioned looking round

"yeah Q" he smiled at her

Looking around the bridge she couldn't really see anything that began with Q. Thinking for a few seconds. "Queen" she piped up

"nope she is hung in the office and Brian May is defiantly not onboard" he smiled

She looked at him with a blank expression.

"Brian May, the lead guitarist in the band Queen. You must know we will rock you"

She still looked blank.

"I think we need to work on your taste in music chicken legs" he grinned "anyway back to the game, anything else to guess"

"is it actually visible" she huffed getting frustrated. He was making this hard for her.

"yes. That is generally the idea of I-spy. That you can see the thing" he smiled looking over at her.

2 hours later she was still trying to guess and had been unsuccessful. It wasnt the quarter deck and there was nothing else she could see that began with Q. He on the other hand found it amusing that she was getting more and more wound up.

"can I just have a small clue?" she pleaded

"a small clue. Okay. You walk along it every day you come on to the ship"

"that's a big help anything else you can tell me?" she asked

"nope that's your lot" he smiled "give up yet?" he poked his tongue out at her,

"yes" she sulked pulling her bottom lip up

"Quay!" he grinned pointing out of the window at the just visible quayside

"that's not fair you cant even see the quay!" she protested

"ah but you could 2 hours ago before sun set."

Sitting down Jessica looked out the window. She could just make out the thick bright yellow line panted along the edge to stop people falling in. She looked over to Dutchy who was radioing port security with the 20:00 check in. It was weird he was the only person on the ship she felt like she could truly be her self with. If she had been with 2-dads or one of the others then she would never have admitted to playing I-spy with her self. They would have taken the mick or worse but he had laughed with her rather than at her out of the window she caught a glimpse of a shooting star, closing her eyes she made a wish.

He looked over seeing her lips moving in silence he smiled. She had so many little quirks. Wishing on a shooting star, playing a solo game of I-spy, not touching slimy sea food but perfectly happy to wolf down a plate of sushi and calamari. It was one of the things he loved about her.

**so I came up with this after listing to one of my favourite Taylor swift songs 'i'm only me when I'm with you. I think that bird is genuinely being her true self around Dylan. hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

Dutchy walked onto the bridge after completing the final check of everything before handing over to the next watch. He looked over to captains chair where Bird was now curled up asleep. Smiling to him self she looked so peaceful. As he got closer he could see her lashes were extremely long like those of a deer or a calf. Her eyelids were fluttering genteelly as she was dreaming. It pained him to wake her but falling asleep on watch was never a good idea.

"rise and shine sleeping beauty" he called grinning

She awoke jumping with a start. She had only closed her eyes a few seconds ago and she was feeling awful about falling asleep when she should have been on watch. Bad things happened to sailors who fell asleep on watch.

"Dutchy! I wasnt asleep I was just umm resting my eyes. Yeah just resting my eyes"

"yeah your secret is safe with me" he grinned

"I was just resting my eyes" she protested knowing he still wouldn't believe her

After completing the handover with swain and Charge Jessica picked up her sea bag and made her way over the gangway blinking as she stepped in to the sun. She began walking up the quay, tightrope walking along the same yellow line she joked about earlier.

Dutchy pulled up along side her on his bike.

"Do you want a lift?" he asked smiling at her

Looking at him she smiled "um sure" she took the spare helmet he was holding out to her. Carefully doing it up under her chin before carefully climbing on to the pillion seat behind him. Wiggling until she found a comfy position to sit in. She wrapped her arms around his waist leaning in to his back. Taking in the sweet sent of the leather mixed with his after-shave.

"ready" he called over his shoulder

"yeah" she called wriggling again to find a balance

"okay try and keep still, other wise you will throw us both off"

"okay" she called wrapping her arms tighter around him closing her eyes, scared a little now he had said that.

It didn't take long for them to weave through the morning traffic that was always built up at this time of the morning and pull up outside her apartment complex.

"here we are" he smiled kicking the stand down and helping her off.

"thanks" she yawned "umm do you want to come in for a brew" she asked

He looked at his watch. "okay" he smiled turning the engine off and following her up the path.

Her apartment was small and cosy and 100% her. He looked around smiling at all the little trinkets in hidden corners. From the window there were wonderful views of the harbour and the waterfront.

"nice place" he smiled at her before going to sit on the sofa

"careful" she cried darting forward and pulling a rather well loved panda teddy from where he was about to sit. "you almost squashed Percy" she said cradling the teddy in her arms stroking like she was soothing it.

"Percy?" he questioned looking the black and white, well more black and grey bundle that was in her arms

"yes Percy. He would watch over me as I slept. I was never once attacked by the boogie man or had a nightmare when he was tucked in next to me" she rested her chin on the soft fluffy head of the teddy inhaling the musty sent that always made her feel safe.

He tried not to laugh. She was talking about this teddy as if it was a real living thing. She could see his face twitching in to a smile.

"what?" she questioned

"nothing." He smiled

From the kitchen the whistling of the kettle brought them back to their senses. She plodded in to the kitchen and returned several moments later carrying two mugs. She caught him holding a photo that was on the side, of a goldfish. He turned as she walked in to the room still holding the photo.

"oh that's just one of my pet fish" she smiled

He looked at her. A gold fish wasnt something you would normally have a picture of. They were quite boring pets in one sense as you couldn't really do anything with them. "one, how many fish did you have"

"oh" she blushed "well I only had one at a time but he was my favourite. Fishy-the-fish the fifth. All of my fish were called Fishy the Fish"

This time he did laugh. Not at her as such but it was a cute name, very original

"don't laugh I was 9 when I had him. I was gutted when he died. Made my dad bury him in the garden in a matchbox sarcophagus because we were looking at the ancient Egyptians and mummies in school. He drew the line under me mummifying the fish using my mums lavender and dead sea bath salts and toilet roll bandages. He did let me write a curse on the box in hieroglyphics" she hid her face expecting him to laugh at her, she had never told anyone this before. Her dad had told lots of people and embarrassed her all the time with that story.

"random" he grinned "but cute" he sipped the tea she had made. "I hope Fishy the Fish made it in to the afterlife and is now swimming in the great fish tank in the sky"

she looked over at him seeing him smile. She liked it when he smiled and he had a charming smile some how it made her feel happier when he was happy. She could feel her eyes drooping and sleep calling her to her bed. Her eyelids were all of a sudden really heavy and with each blink they would feel more closed until they eventually closed and her head drooped.

**so chapter 2. hope you enjoy. my own goldfish was called fishy the fish and i was 5 when I had him. also at 8 when my fish started dyeing we did bury them In the garden in match boxies (I was studying the Egyptians in year 3). also I do still have all my teddies from child hood and hug them when I am down. let me know what you think xx **


	3. Chapter 3

Jessica awoke with a start. Sitting bolt up right feeling doubly embarrassed on account she had fallen asleep on the sofa and when she had company. Running her fingers through her hair she could feel it had become its usual matted birds nest mess as was usual if she forgot to tie it back before going to sleep. Looking around she could see that the curtains were still drawn shut with the sun trying to creep its way through every crack and chink around them. She was also unable to see Duchy. Had he left before she nodded off? She couldn't remember.

Walking in to the bathroom she picked up her hairbrush, after running it under the tap she began to try and tame her unruly hair. It was then she noticed the two post it notes stuck on her face.

Pulling the one stuck to her cheek first she looked at the writing it was in hot pink

_"__lunch 2pm the crown and anchor" _

It wasnt until she pulled the second post it this time stuck to her forehead everything made sense

_"__you fell asleep again sleeping beauty!, I didn't want to disturb your dreams. Don't sleep all day it wont be any good for you. Fancy …"_

She read and reread both notes over again. It was weird his handwriting was a unusual script and not one she was expecting some one like him to have. It was incredibly curly like old school copperplate cursive. She had him more of a doctors handwriting, messy and hard to understand. Looking down at her watch she realised it was well after midday and she only had a hour and a half before Dutchy had said about meeting.

Pulling open her wardrobe she began leafing through the clothes that were all hung in there. Pulling out a vintage style red tea dress, it had long sleeves and roses printed over the material. It was cinched in at the waist and had a matching belt that tied round the back. Brushing her hair so it fell straight down her back. She pulled out a pair of caramel tan ankle boots from the bottom of her wardrobe. Looking in to the mirror that was on the front of the wardrobe door she turned slightly looking at the dress at a different angle. It wasnt something she would normally wear when meeting members of the crew but some how with him she felt it was the right sort of outfit. Picking up her bag a deep mahogany leather saddle bag she stepped out in to the sun. It was warm on her face and it didn't take long to make the short walk to the pub where Dutchy had said to meet. Considering she was rather early she pushed her self up on to the wall out side to sit and wait.

She didn't have to wait long as several minutes later Dutchy arrived in jeans and a tight black shirt showing off all his muscles.

"hey your awake and you got my notes" he smiled as she jumped down from the wall

"yeah and you didn't have to use my only decent pen and raid my stationary set. Or stick them on my face" she smiled

"well the pad was on the side and I only left them on the side you must have rolled on to them as I would never stick anything or draw on your face." He looked at her.

"oh" she hung her head feeling stupid. She must have rolled over on to them when she was half asleep and they stuck. "sorry I just assumed... anyway shall we go in" she indicated to the door.

"sure" he smiled following her in to the crowded pub.

After finding a quiet corner they both began studying the menu deciding what they wanted.

"can I get you some drinks?" a waiter came over

"just a tap water for me please" bird smiled looking up from her menu

"same for me please. And you ready to order food?" he looked over at Jess

"umm yeah. I'll have the grilled veg and cheese toastie with onion rings not fries please"

"and I'll have the chicken and tomato salad please and a side of fries" he closed his menu

"salad and fries. That's my kind of meal" she laughed as the waiter took their menus.

"well I get to be a little naughty as I have been good don't I" he smiled

Their order was got out fairly quick and presented to them. It all looked amazing.

Cutting each half of her toastie in to half again she picked up one of the quarters tucking in to it. It had a unusual flavour, woody root vegetables as well as a mix of traditional Mediterranean vegetables.

"Nice?" dutchy asked cutting in to his grilled chicken

"not bad yours?" she asked swallowing the mouthful she was still eating

"its okay a little too much dressing for my liking but its nice"

They were halfway through the meal when a text pinged through on both their phones. Knowing the odds of them getting a unrelated text message at the same time was highly unlikely. Pulling them out they looked at each other

"Crash Sail?" she asked

"yeah. I'll get the bill, you go back home and get sorted and I will see you on board" he smiled

"thanks" she stood and made for the exit. What was it the X had once said. The navy had no sense of timing, well it was definitely right in this case.

As soon as she reached her apartment she tore off her dress and pulled on her DPNU's her sea bag was still practically packed from the previous patrol and duty watch. It was a short walk to the base and she didn't want to be late. Stepping out of the apartment she looked at the little blue door. It seemed she had spent most of her time on Hammersley rather than in the house its self but it was better than navy accommodation she had tried it when she first arrived and it was always so noisy and never any privacy. Living on her own was much better she felt she could do what she wanted when she wanted


	4. Chapter 4

Jessica walked over the gangway. It was disheartening to be at sea so soon and not be able to enjoy shore leave. Especially as she hadn't had any time ashore considering she was on duty watch on the first night of leave. Saw Kate stood on deck watching and making sure the supplies were coming on deck correctly.

"X! How come we have been crash sailed?" she asked

"Kingston has blown a engine so we have to go and complete her patrol" Kate replied dryly looking down her list making sure they had everything and everything was ready for when they sailed.

"Sucks" Bird sighed "sorry ma'am" she grinned seeing Kate give her 'the look' before dashing down to her cabin dumping her bag in her cabin. Sitting down on her rack she lent back against the wall.

"Hey Bird!" bomber called walking in to the cabin tossing her bag on her rack. "good shore leave?" she asked

"no not really, I was on duty watch last night and spent most of today sleeping"

"oh bummer. Sorry" Bomber half smiled she had forgot that it was bird on duty watch.

"it wasnt all bad. What about you?" jess smiled leaning forward

"I just went and played a bit of netball and then drinks with some of the girls" Bomber reached in to her bag pulling out her cap

"wow cool I used to love netball. What position do you play?"

"well its a team where we all play each position so most of them. It changes each game"

"sounds good" Jess smiled

"you should join us we are actually looking for new players" Bomber smiled

"I haven't actually played since I was 13 and that was because all the girls in my class would rather play basket ball. And it didn't help that the teacher who actually played netball didn't give a hoot about them breaking the rules, walking with the ball and going off side" she sighed it really make her heart go out of the sport.

"bummer. Well defo think about joining us. We follow the rules" bomber grinned walking out of the cabin.

They had been sailing for several hours and it was just coming up on first watch. Bird walked in to the galley in shorts and a vest with a towel wrapped around her hair. Although they had not long finished dinner she was craving something sweet. Pulling open the cupboards she began rummaging through trying to find her secret stash of biscuits.

They weren't in there usual place which was odd as the only other person who knew where they were hidden was Bomber and she didn't like the double chocolate digestives that she was hunting for. Sighing she shut the cupboard door with a slam. Picking a glass up off the draining board on the side she pulled open the fridge and lifted out a bottle of chocolate milk she had also stashed at the back so non of the lads mainly 2-dads would steel it. Filling the glass she left it on the side whilst she placed the bottle of milk back in its secret hiding place.

"alright Chicken legs" Dutchy called picking up the glass of chocolate milk off the side.

"DUTCHY!" she cried seeing him raise the glass to his lips

"what" he whipped a milk moustache from his mouth

"that was my... that was my drink" she smiled sweetly. Trying to think of a way of getting back at him.

"oh sorry" he smiled looking at the glass

"and are those my Biscuits?" she asked looking at the bright blue packet. Making a grab for them

He held them just out of reach. He was over 6 foot complicated to her 5 foot 5 it wasnt hard. Holding on to his arm trying to pull it down she jumped several times trying to make a grab for the packet.

"Dutchy!" she cried again in frustration

He smiled. She was so easy to wind up and it was actually quite funny the more frustrated she got.

"everything alright" Kate walked passed the hatch

"yes ma'am" Bird smiled in a sweet way. Almost like a toddler trying to hide what they had done.

"okay" Kate paused for a moment before walking back towards the bridge not quite believing the answer.

As soon as she left Jess turned to Dutchy once again trying to take her biscuits back. The towel which was around her hair had come undone and now fell to the floor.

Sniffing the air Dutchy looked puzzled unsure what he could smell

"why does it smell like a Chinese?" he asked

"what" Jess looked puzzled "oh it must be my Ginger and lemongrass shampoo and Ginger soap"

"over kill on the Ginger isn't it" he smiled folding his arms forgetting he had the roll of biscuits

"no not really" she grinned snatching the biscuits out of his hand "and you owe me a pint of chocolate milk" she smiled dashing out of the galley before he could say anything

He smiled shaking his head before opining the fridge. She hadn't done a good job of hiding her secret milky drink. Pouring another glass he left the galley and made his way down to the cabins. Making sure she wasnt in her cabin he left the glass on the side adorned with thick cream and a cherry on top as well as one of the chocolate muffins Bomber had made earlier.

He was sat on the bridge when he saw her out of the corner of his eye make her way up.

"bird your not on watch yet not for another 4 hours" he smiled

"I just wanted to say thank you" she smiled turning to walk back down the steps

"go get some kip I don't think we need another sleeping beauty on watch" he smiled keeping his eyes on the vast ocean ahead of him

"yes dutchy" she smiled walking down the steps

She lay in her rack willing sleep to come, as he said she was on the next watch but some how sleep was blocked by him invading her every thought. His smile that would light up everything, she always felt so natural around him and that she didn't have to wear a mask like she did with some of the others. Closing her eyes she eventually was over come by the sheer need to sleep. She hoped that she would be able to wake up in the few hours she needed to take over her watch

**okay so I am thinking of taking this in to more of a romantic line with bird and dutchy rather than the friendship one as in the synopsis. hope you enjoy and please keep reviewing I love reading all of your thoughts xx **


	5. Chapter 5

Dutchy stood in the passageway outside her cabin, knocking softly hoping she was awake and just finishing sorting her self out and was on her way to the bridge for her watch. He listened hard but heard nothing. Knocking again this time slightly louder. with still no responce. He quietly and carefully opened the door.

She was curled up asleep in her rack. Blankets pulled right up to her chin. He walked in and despite of the darkness carefully made his way over to her rack.

"psst" he gently poked her "wakey wakey sleeping beauty" he whispered

"Mmmmm" she moaned rolling over so she was facing him "dutchy"

"come on sleepy otherwise the CO or X are more than likely to be grumpy and I wont be happy"

"Dutchy" she cried pulling the blanket right up to her neck "what are you doing here?" she shrieked louder than she had intended

"shhhhhh" Bombers voice came sleepily from above

"sorry" Jess whispered

"I just thought you may like to know your late for watch" he whispered

"what!" she cried loudly. Diving out of her own rack in to the tiny bathroom

"Shush!" bomber called once again from her rack

"hurry up Jess" Dutchy called from outside the bathroom

"SHUT UP!" Bomber launched her pillow at where the noise was coming from missing dutchy by inches.

Jessica emerged from the bathroom with her DPNU trousers and a t-shirt on. Picking up her jacket off the back of the chair and her boots. She made to leave. She picked up Bombers pillow handing it back to her

"Sorry!" she whispered loudly

Snatching it back she waited till Jessica had left before flopping back on to the pillow. Looking at her watch, it was quarter to one she would be lucky if she got any decent sleep before she had to get up to make a start on the breakfast.

Jess stood nervously inline at the galley hatch. She had just finished her watch but was dreading how bomber would be, especially after this morning. Picking up a plate she began helping her self to bacon, eggs, mushrooms, beans and toast.

"thanks Bomber this all looks great" Bird smiled at her room mate. "and sorry about this morning"

"mmm" bomber replied picking up the empty tray of bacon and replacing it with aa second one she had in the heated cabinet below the hatch

"Bomber I am sorry. Mom always said I could never whisper things. That I was always shouting. Even if I did whisper things she said they could still hear me in Canberra."

"impossible" RO walked up behind

"what" Jess turned unsure of where he was taking this and why he was listening to her private conversation

"its just... you grew up in Melbourne right well Canberra is over 660 clicks away so no body could hear you even if you screamed at the top of your lungs through a loud hailer they still wouldn't be able to hear you from 600 kilometres it is just a fact of science " he looked blank at her

"thanks Robert" Bomber rolled her eyes smiling at how he always was so literal about things.

"not a problem" he smiled filling a bowl with the fruit salad that was on offer.

"and jess don't worry about it. Just set your alarm next time" she smiled turning her attention to the microwave that had just peeped behind her.

Sitting in the mess Jess let her head flop forward hitting the table in front of her. She had spent the best part of forenoon watch reading through the folders Kate had handed to her for her gap program. Sitting back up she rubbed her eyes, she had been so absorbed in the literature that time had completely ran away with her.

"alright skiver" Dutchy grinned walking in to the mess

"hey!" she sat up right "I was not skiving. I was resting my eyes"

"don't worry I wont tell" he grinned picking up a apple biting in to it.

"Its not my fault, all these words just amalgamate in to one" she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes

"okay then I will help. Lets have a looksee" he grinned sliding in next to her. "ouch maritime laws" he grinned sliding back out "all I can say is best of British"

"and what is that suppose to mean?" she asked

"just have fun. That's all I can say" he walked out

"thanks for nothing" she called after him dropping her head back to the table, all this reading had given her a headache and sent her cross eyed

"hows the reading going Jess?" Kate poked her head round the door

Jumping up she began looking through the folders again trying to find her place and picked up her pen. "fine X all good" she smiled

Kate looked at her knowingly. It was the dullest part of the course and everyone knew it but it did have to be studied "okay but why don't you take a break. Its almost time for lunch and the CO has approved a steel beach Barbie everyone is on deck"

"okay Ma'am I'll just put this away" she smiled.

20 minuets later she walked up on to the deck blinking slightly as the bright sun caught her unawares.

" come on bird you best get in before this greedy lot snaffle the lot" bomber called indicating at 2-dads and several of the other guys onboard

Jess walked over to where bomber had the barbeque set up. Helping her self to salad and what she wanted she sat on one of the camping stools that had been brought out on deck. Tucking in to her lunch she noticed Dutchy staring at her. Making a cross-eyes face she stuck her tongue out at him. He was being annoying of late, like big-brother annoying, she had to come up with a plan to get her own back. But that would be a task for then they got back to port, it would give her time to think of some super cool pranks and jokes to play on him.

**okay so after consideration I may keep this in the friend zone. the actual song this is based on was written by Taylor for her BFF Abigail and the music video shows this being your self with family and mates. thanks for all your reviews they really helped me make my mind up. please let me know what you think and any pranks you may play on siblings I have a few ideas but am interested to see other ideas **


	6. Chapter 6

Jess walked out on to the main deck, they had returned from covering Kingston's patrol and brought the bad weather in with them. It was the fine rain that soaked you to the skin in minutes. She stood under the cover in her navy issue coat but she still looked bedraggled debating weather to make a run for it, or wait and see if it stopped.

Seeing Dutchy walk out on to the deck she smiled as he walked passed and out in to the rain.

"not going home Birdy?" he asked turning to face her

"yeah its just I'm going to wait and see if it dies off" she smiled looking out to see if there had been any change.

"don't look like it will anytime soon" he smiled "anyhow see you in a few days" he smiled

"yeah see you" she smiled watching him walk over the gangway "hey Dutchy wait up" she called breaking cover dashing to the gangway.

"yeah" he turned

"can I borrow your phone to call a cab? Mines dead" she smiled sweetly

"sure" he pulled it out of is pocket, unlocking it he handed it to her

She took it off him flicking through the phone till she found what she wanted. She handed it back "stupidly I cant remember the number" she grinned shrugging

He smiled shaking his head "what are you like, seriously do you not know a number with out looking in your phone"

"hey that's not fair" she protested

"well I don't need a phone to remember numbers"

"so whats the number for the cab company" she looked at him seriously

"I ...umm" he stalled thinking for a moment

"so what is it?" she crossed her arms knowing he couldn't remember or didn't know. She could see it in his eyes.

"I actually cant quite remember that one , your putting me on the spot"

"LOL" she called out grinning "pot...Kettle ….black" she smiled

"well that's not fair there are a few cab companies and I cant remember all their numbers" he tried to defend himself "do you want a lift" he smiled at her

She looked at how wet the quay. It was sodden with puddles forming everywhere it was a good indication of what the main roads outside would be like. "ummm I may just go plug it in on the ship for a bit and call a cab from there" she looked at him

"this will be quicker, the wet roads don't affect my bike if that's what your worried about. Its only dangerous if your a plank and think your better than the system and why waste money on a cab"

"okay but don't go too fast okay" she looked at him

"promise" he mimed a cross over his heart

,she laughed slightly "umm I'll just go get my bag" she ran back towards the ship.

She returned 5 minuets later with her sea bag "and you still owe me a bottle of chocolate milk and a pack of biscuits" she reminded him

"how could I forget, don't worry I will have them by the next time we're out" he smiled helping her on to the bike behind him

On this occasion took much longer with the roads being wet and visibility was down Dutchy was reluctant to take any risk. He pulled up outside her apartment.

"Thanks Dutchy" she smiled walking up her path

"emm you meeting with the rest of the rabble later?" he asked

"umm I might, just wait and see if the rain stops" she turned back to face him. "don't fancy being back out in the rain" she grinned

"oh right okay" he smiled

"see ya" she walked up the path unlocking the door and darting inside before she could get any wetter.

"bye" he called watching waiting until she had gone back inside before putting the bike in to gear and driving off down the road.

It was several hours later and the rain still hadn't stopped in fact it had become heavier and the raindrops were now large and fat and bouncing off every surface. Deciding not to go out Jess had ideally changed in to her cosy pjs with a Winnie the Pooh Sweater, curling up on the sofa she put on one of her old favourite films, Winnie the Pooh's most grand adventure. She had just got to her favourite bit, where pooh and Christopher sing the forever song when there was a loud knock at the door. Pressing pause she heaved her self up and plodded to the door

"Dutchy?" she looked at him as she pulled the door open. He was stood on the step soaked to the skin "what are you doing here?" she asked opening the door wide "I mean come in"

He stepped in, the water dripping off him in a puddle on the floor. "I thought I would drop these off for you." He handed her a bag

"right... thanks. Umm do you want a drink?" she asked

"okay a brew would be nice" he walked in to the main sitting room smiling as he saw the still on the telly. "why are you watching a kids film" he called

Reappearing from the bathroom Jess looked at the telly realising she had left the film showing.

"okay 2 thinks, Winnie the pooh is not a kids film and 2 you can NEVER be too old for Disney never!" she warned

"its still a kids film" he grinned teasing her

"its one of my favourites I love Winnie the Pooh, Especially Eeyore" she threw the towel over his head

Pulling it off it was only then she had Eeyore slippers and her hoodie also had a large Eeyore on the middle of the jumper.

"why in particular Eeyore?" he asked rubbing the towel through his hair

" he is cute and no body actually cares that he is depressed. His gloomy outlook is sweet and his Fridays are like my ideal Friday night."

"what" he laughed

"not much happening and not much to see. Just curled up with a good book or film" she smiled

"sounds fun, was wondering why you didn't show at the pub" he grinned

"umm do you want a hot drink or something" she asked suddenly remembering he had been soaked to the skin

"okay" he smiled

"hot chocolate?" she asked

"why not" he smiled Watching as she when in to the kitchen.

She returned several moments later with two mugs with sticks sticking out

"funny looking hot chocolate" he remarked taking his mug off her looking at the pale milky drink.

"its a chocolate stirrer. Its a lump of chocolate, you stir it around and it becomes hot chocolate" she smiled sitting cross-legged on the armchair as he occupied most of her tiny sofa.

"right okay" he began stirring the drink watching as it turned from a milky white to a deep rich chocolate brown colour.

Leaning over the table jess grabbed the remote, and went to turn off the telly, she would finish the film on another occasion.

"don't turn it off on my account" Dutchy smiled

"you want to watch Winnie the Pooh?" she questioned

"why not" he smiled sipping his drink

"even though its a 'kids film'." She looked at him grinning

"well I would hate to interrupt your movie night and I did love the books as a kid" he grinned

"oh really. I love the books. My gran gave me her old copies with the original drawings. I have seen the new ones and they don't compare" she smiled pressing the play button.

The spent the evening watching the rest of the movie, and several other of Disney's winnie the pooh classics with time running away from them. With the credits rolling Dutchy looked at his watch and it was getting late. Thankfully the rain had died off for now but there was more promised in the forecast.

"I best be off," he smiled standing to leave

Jess followed him to the door "thanks for the bickies and milk" she smiled opening the door

"well I did promise to replace them didn't I" he smiled as he stepped out.

"see you in a few days back on Hammersley" she called watching as he walked up the path to his bike "and be careful on that thing" she shouted as he kicked the stand up and speed off down the road.

Closing the door she walked in to the kitchen picking up the bag he had left. She pulled out the bottle of milk. It wasnt her normal bottle but it still looked good. Placing it in to the fridge she pulled out the biscuits and shoved them in the cupboard. At least he had got those right she smiled. Turning off the lights she headed towards her bedroom. She even though he had done this and sat through a winnie the pooh marathon she still had to get her own back on him and she had thought of the perfect pranks she just would need help to carry them out and she knew just the person.

**so sorry I haven't posted before now but I have had writers block. but enjoy and I hope its worth the wait. thanks to coastwatchgirl for her prank ideas they are awesome and one or more may be used. please let me know what you think and enjoy xx **


	7. Chapter 7

The first few days of shore leave were always the worst, dog tired from the previous patrol so not much but sleep was on the menu followed by the relief they were home which was quickly taken over by the sorrow that it was over all too soon. This leave was particular bad as it didn't stop raining from the moment they docked.

Jess staired out of her front window watching as the rain fell in sheets leaving the other side of the road was not visible, sighing she really needed to go out but she was unable to drive so relied on her push bike or her own esteem and nether seemed fun in this weather, she had walked to the end of the path to put the bins out and almost ended up like Marry Poppins with her umbrella. Flopping down on the couch she pulled out her phone, after loading up WhatsApp she clicked on the group conversation she had for the 'Hammersley crew'

'need to go out but there is a river running down my road, recon X or the Boss will let us borrow one of the RHIBS to go get some milk?'

The first responce pinged back immediately, it was from 2-Dads ' loool'

Bomber also responded with in minuets with several crying laughing emojis. The bubbles appeared indicating there was another responce looming. Expecting it to be dutchy with some smart responce she watched in anticipation. She was horrified when the responce and name appeared.

' NO! The X wont LEND you one of the RHIBS to go shopping. It is a abuse of Navy property and could end ALL of OUR careers"

Reading the message Jess could practically hear the tone of Kates voice. It was scary, even with social media she still felt nervous around her superior officers

"umm Sorry X' Bird quickly typed 'was kidding. BTW who added you X Not that we don't want you in the group'

Kates responce came through fairly quickly ' you did Bird'

'oh yeah see you back on board X'

Watching the screen it showed Dutchy was typing a responce 'never mind birdy. Think I have a blow up dingy in the garage :P'

'not helpful dutchy :D' she responded switching off the phone knowing 2-dads would probably be reading the responce and making up a crude version of row row row your boat, involving her and more than likely a croc.

Stuffing her feat in her navy boots as they were the only shoes she had that would be waterproof mean she wouldn't be paddling with out the sea she pulled on her rain coat deciding to brave the wrath of the gods with this truly biblical weather.

By the time she reached the shops in town she looked and felt like she had done the ice bucket challenge over 50 times. Walking through the shop she picked up the things she needed, milk and toiletries for their next patrol the day after tomorrow. Stupidly she forgot to pick up a basket so was juggling the things she was carrying she didn't see Dutchy until she walked straight into him, dropping her shopping everywhere

"Dutchy!" she called "are you following me!" she began scrabbling to pick up her shopping

" no I just happened to need some bread and I was actually going to get you some bits and drop them off" he immediately, picked up the box of tampons she had holding them out for her before noticing what they were. "oh umm here you go" he held out the box for her

"thanks" she stammered her cheeks flaming bright red snatching the box off of him mortified that the thing he had to pick up for her was her tampons.

"you know there is this real great invention called a basket, you put your shopping in and then you can carry more and you don't drop it." He flashed her a smile.

"you know I have never seen one" she rolled her eyes sarcastically grinning at his reaction.

"they are at the front of the store, big black plastic things, you must have walked straight past them" he humoured her.

" right well I have to umm go" she smiled

She walked round the rest of the store picking up the rest of the things she wanted, something quick for her dinner. Standing in line at the till she felt a familiar presence line up behind her

"not following you promise but this is the only till open so..." he smiled "oh your up" he nodded towards the cashier who had become free.

After paying for her things she made her way outside. The rain had thankfully stopped for the moment but there was a huge black rain cloud hovering over the city with the promise to empty its contense over them all. Pulling her coat around her she looked up praying she had time to make it home before it chucked it down again.

"tut tut looks like rain" Dutchy walked up behind her

She turned to look at him "thanks for that I hadn't noticed." She grinned "see you back on board Dutchy" she called over her shoulder as she walked up the path back towards home.

She made it in the nick of time, as soon as she crossed the threshold the heavens opened in apocalyptic storm putting her shopping away she drew the curtains, shutting out the storm and the feeling of cold it brought.

As fate would have it the morning they were due to sail for the latest patrol the sun rose warm and bright. Jess walked over the gangway glad that the rains had stopped moving further east so it was highly likely that they would meet again but for now it was clear skies and calm seas ahead. Storms at sea were a normal part of navy life and some how seamed more mystical than on land and it didn't matter really as being at sea meant there always was a chance of getting wet.

**so hope you like it. the next chapter will explore the practical jokes Bird is planning and already had played on Dutchy, enjoy and let me know what you think **

**x**


	8. Chapter 8

Jess walked in to the sailors mess carrying a tray of Anzac biscuits. Bomber had asked her to help make them and she reluctantly agreed. Last time she made them was in school and she had burnt the golden syrup causing the bottom of the pan to fall off on her second attempt they came out of the oven more like rocks than biscuits. She had been mortified considering they were sort of a national dish commemorating the heroes of Gallipoli, thankfully on this occasion they had turned out perfect first time around.

They were searching for a missing yacht by the name of Aquaphobic. That had gone missing dureing a fishing trip coral sea and had failed to return home They had a idea from last reported co-ordinates but the search area was vast and as it stood there was no exact way of narrowing it down.

"so whats with the name of this boat. Aquaphobic kind of funny name for a boat" 2-dads laughed.

"Anzac bickies" Jess smiled placing the plate on the table

"who made them?" Dutchy asked picking one up biting to it

"I did" jess smiled proudly watching as everyone picked one up. "hey!" she called horrified as Dutchy pretended to choke like they were poison attacking his systems and then fake 'die' on them

"jokes. They are lovely" he smiled biting in to a second chewing it thoughtfully

"well not funny" she huffed placing the tray on the table in front of the rest of the crew. "enjoy" she smiled as she walked out. She had just reached the door to the passageway when she heard the familiar chorus she had changed Duchy's ringtone to. Olivia Newton-John's Classic Physical. Walking along the passageway she couldn't contain her giggles, turning back she poked her head around unseen back in to the mess.

"nice tone mate" Charge sniggered

"i am going to kill 2 dads when I see him although how the hell he changed my ringtone" Dutchy huffed trying to figure out how to change it back

"well never leave your phone unattended that's all I can say mate." Swain smiled heading out towards the bridge

Suddenly realising she would be caught jess turned to walk away before she got caught by dutchy and only just made it on to the bridge.

"bird are you okay, I thought you were on galley duty with Bomber" Kate smiled walking round to mike handing him the latest from the search.

"yes ma'am I thought I would be more use up hear on look out for the boat" she smiled

" Sir" RO called from the Coms console "coast-watch report a abandoned yacht of the coast of Cockermouth island and were the closest asset. Description matches the Aquaphobic" he handed Mike the co-ordinates from coast-watch.

Taking one look at them he handed them to Kate who had already inputted the data to Cokermouth island "X how long to get there"

"2 hours sir" she looked at the computerised charts

"plot a course" he smiled

"Sir. Port 10 steer 250" she called

"port 10 steer 250 Ma'am" Swain called from the helm.

2 dads walked on to the bridge in leg-warmers and sweat bands. "alright Dutchy" he grinned "heard about your ringtone" he tried to hide his laughs "I wanna get physical" he began singing in a girly voice

"so it was you" Dutchy growled heading towards 2-dads

Trying not to laugh mike looked over at Kate who was equally trying to hide her giggles

"cool it Dutchy can we all just focus on the task in hand please" mike called

2 hours later they arrived at the island which had a reef on the west side launching the RHIB it bounced across the waves until it reached the yacht anchored of the coast of the island.

"Australian Navy!" Kate called climbing aboard. There was no sign of life any wear on the boat. The stove was cold and the bunks looked like they hadn't been slept in for several days

"ma'am the tender is missing" dutchy walked in to the saloon.

"Charlie 8-2 this is X-ray 8-2," Kate called over the radio

"go ahead X" Mikes voice crackled back

"Sir the boat is deserted no sign of life. Dutchy says the tender is missing. Sir I think they may be on the island" Kate replied.

"search the beach and the jungle in front if you haven't found them in a hour return back and we will look at a more detailed search i'll send Robert and charge to help"

"sir" Kate called back over the radio. Instructing the RHIB on to the beach once landed she turned to the boarding party which now included Robert and charge . "team Bravo , 2-dads, Robert head east along the shore line team Sierra charge and swain, head west and Team Alpha, Dutchy Bird Bomber and myself we will head in to the jungle search what we can. Meet back on the beach in a hour. Sync watches"

The jungle was thick and dense trudging through Bird was at the back

"Bird! Keep up we don't want to loose you in this jungle aswell" he called with out looking over his shoulder

"yes Dutchy" she called slightly breathless jogging to keep up.

"BIRD!" he turned as she almost caught up

"yeah..." she smiled catching her foot in a raised tree root stumbling in to him knocking them both to the ground

"ow" she cried suddenly realising she was on top of dutchy "sorry" she winced trying to stand slipping again falling on to him

"are you two com..." Bomber turned to see what was keeping them "X! Hang on" she shouted up the track to Kate before heading down the slight bank to assist Dutchy and Bird

"come on you two this is no time for sun bathing" she grinned holding her hand out to pull Bird to her feet and then help Dutchy to his.

"are you both okay, not hurt?" Kate walked down the embankment to the others

"just my pride Ma'am" Dutchy smiled

"right well it just gets thicker up here and there doesn't look like there are any tracks so we will head back down to the beach the hour is almost up anyway"

"ow" Bird winced putting her foot down

Dutchy walked over "come on piggy back" he bent down lifting her on to his back which was tough given he was carrying his own personal protection gear plus her with all her protection gear.

The treck down was eaiser than the one up and it took half the time for them to get down to the back as it did for them to walk away from it. With the others reporting no sightings Kate picked up her radio.

"Charlie 8-2 this is x-ray 8-2 Sir there is no sign of them we have searched the jungle as far as 5 clicks after that it is too dense and there was no sign of life through... hold on..."

She was interrupted by the very 2 people walking out of the thick scrubland they had just been searching.

"sir they have just appeared out of the jungle I will let you know more when I find out over" she spoke over the radio

"Sir, Ma'am Australian Navy, we have been looking all over this island for you your families have been worried" dutchy called

"yeah sorry our radio was bust and the engine is Cactus. We thought there would be higher ground use the sat phone

"right Dutchy go with Charge and 2-dads please check the engine and radio see if you can get it working. The rest of us we will head back to Hammersley" Kate smiled walking over to the RHIB.

Back on Hammersley Bird lay on her rack the stumble she took on the island resulted in a sprained ankle and a rather badly bashed up knee. She had been put on light duties. She was reading her notes for as required for the gap year recruits when Bomber walked in

"hows the ankle" she smiled pulling her DPNU jacket off throwing it over the chair.

"its not that bad. Just twinges" she smiled weakly

"Dutchy is not happy. 2-dads is still taking the mick over the ringtone and wont admit it was him that changed it"

"it was me" Bird confessed

"what was... the ringtone. When how and why" Bomber asked excitedly

"well he stole my secret biscuits and drank a entire bottle of the chocolate milk I had in the fridge, so last leave I asked to borrow his phone to call a cab. Changed it then told him I didn't remember the cab companies number" she grinned

"oh that is good" Bomber grinned "and the song you changed it to classic"

They were giggling and engrossed in the conversation that they failed to notice some one listening outside. Know they knew the culprit to ringtone gate they were going to enjoy their own revenge. It would be sweet.

**so hope you like this and please let me know what you think. for some reason this seems to be going along a different road to what I planned but it still sort of fits the relationship I was intending for bird and dutchy. enjoy it anyway **

xxx


	9. Chapter 9

After escorting the Aquaphobic back to port due to it needing serious repairs and a AFP warrant out for the arrest of both the people on board, Hammersley had 24 hour turn around to re-stock re-fuel and re-charge. Only Bird found her self once again stuck on duty watch with Dutchy.

Walking through the ship Bird was checking all was clear. It felt quiet weird being on the ship at night when I port. There wasnt the buzz that there was when you were at sea. In port there was minimal crew and only usually two or three onboard in the evenings.. Heading back on to the bridge she found she was alone something she hated but she knew Dutchy was around he was more than likely in the galley hopefully not tucking in to her secret stash of chocolate and biscuits which she had brought on board earlier. Although he did say he was going to make a brew and that was over half a hour ago. Even searching for a clean mug and the right lids it wouldn't take that long.

Picking up the radio she called in to port security " seaman Bird Duty watch Hammersley. 1800 check in. Damage control condition harbour gangway secure no incidents to report"

"copy that Hammersley" the voice came back over the radio.

Replacing the hand set she sat down in the nearest seat, drumming her fingers on the console in front of her. The silence on the bridge and in the ship in general was too loud to bear, pulling out her music player she had stowed in her pocket she played it on the speakers that were on the plotting table. The first song that played was a classic that she loved. The Locomotion By Kylie was rather a guilty pleasure not something all her friends were listening to but she loved it.

Dancing around to the up tempo beat she didn't see Dutchy walk up the steps. Leaning against the wall he smiled seeing her dancing around. Walking fully on to the bridge she still failed to see him watching her.

"Drink" he called alerting her to his presence.

"Dutchy!" she exclaimed stopping the music "how long have you been stood there" she stammered mortified at the fact he had seen her dancing

"long enough although didn't expect that to be your bag, it came out way before you were born" he smiled

"so I love it, it was the music I listened to growing up, most of the music on here is not considered cool and there is a right mix" she smiled unplugging her music player and replacing her ear-phones in the right place.

"hey no judgement from me, my musical Tastes include the Beatles and the Quo and if you tell anyone that then I will make sure your on heads cleaning duty for the rest of your life."

She mimed zipping her lips closed "pommise" she mumbled

"what" dutchy looked at her confused he couldn't under stand her

Miming unzipping her lips "I said I promise" she smiled before re-zipping her lips once again

Laughing he shook his head "and how are you going to check in for the 1900 check in and more importantly how are you going to drink your brew?" he asked folding his arms

"Damn" she called "why do you have a smart remark for everything" she shoved him playfully

"well that's because I am smart" he grinned handing her the thermos he had placed on the side for them.

"by the way who are the Beatles and the Quo?" she asked picking up the phone

"who are the Beatles Jess you hurt me how can you even ask that. It is musical sin"

" seaman Bird Duty watch Hammersley 1900 check in Damage control condition harbour gangway secure no incidents to report"

"copy that Hammersley" the Guards voice came back over the radio

"so who are they?" she asked replacing the radio hand set

"British Band from Liverpool the 60's . John, Paul, Ringo and George. Sang let it be. And the Quo are Status Quo a sort of rock and roll band

"oh yeah think my nan liked them" she smiled "the Beatles I mean. Still have no idea who these Status Quo guys are"

"Birdy Birdy Birdy" he shook his head "I think we need to give you a musical lesion in decent bands" he smiled

"I think I will pass on that no offence Dutchy but it sounds like the music my grandad listened to and that was on the main road to lame town

Being in port and on a 24 hour turn around meant that they only had to conduct half a duty watch themselves. At midnight, well just after Swain and Robert relieved them from the duty of watch taking over till 6 am.

Yawning Jess walked in to the galley to make her self a sleep tea. It was decaf with lemon balm and nutmeg. She found it eaiser to fall asleep after drinking that rather than the full caff coffee with full fat cream dutchy prepared him self.

"how the hell are you going sleep with all that in your system" she asked watching him add a third or fourth spoon of sugar to the drink

"oh I will" he smiled making his way to the door "night" he walked out of the door

"yeah night" she called in to the now silent galley

Adding a dash of milk to her drink she put the lid on the cup and turned off the light. Heading out she walked through the dimly lit passageways and down to her cabin. She was just about to open the door when bomber appeared form her shore leave.

"good night?" she asked knowing how dull these things were

"not bad you?" Jess replied

"it was okay. 2 dads abandoned me for a game of poker or so he said and charge abandoned me and went off I don't know where" she smiled

Pushing the door open they could barely see the bunk for all the balloons. The cabin had been filled with thousands and thousands of the things all red which set Birds teeth on edge especially after being forced to watch IT by 2-dads.

"what the hell!" bomber called

" I guess we need to pop all these before..." Bird began

"really I would never of thought of that" bomber interrupted with a tone of sarcasm

Stepping in the balloons bounced all over but hardly moved. Taking a pin off the notice board Bomber began jabbing at all the balloons In the room each one popping with a loud bang, at least the X was off the ship according to the notice board so it shouldn't be too much drama.

In the end they popped over 2,000 balloons before they could even get to the racks. Picking up the torn empty latex shells that once were balloons it took well over a hour and a half before the could eventually get in to there racks

"I only changed Dutchys ringtone as a joke but this is war. Can you help and it had affected you to. Bird called in to the darkness of the cabin once they were both curled up.

Sighing Bomber bent over the side of the rack. She was trying to stay away from all the drama as she was considering going for her leading seaman's rank so she needed to keep her nose clean. "ok but let me get some sleep, I need to be up at 5 to prepare breakfast"

"thanks Bomber" Bird whispered in to nothing

**so I hope you like It and enjoy. I think may have a prank war on my hands so have my thinking cap on for some fun ones. please let me know how you like it x**


	10. Chapter 10

Jess stood in the galley looking at the recipe she had downloaded off the internet. It was the perfect revenge especially as he kept nicking her biscuits. He would think twice before taking them or messing with her. Looking through the cupboards she began searching for the ingredients she needed. Shutting each of the cupboards in turn she sighed. She didn't know what to use, she didn't want to take things bomber might use.

"you all right Bird?" Bomber asked walking in to the galley hanging up her jacket and putting her apron and cap on.

"yeah. Umm Have we got any of these" Bird showed her friend the paper she had printed off the internet.

"No but I do have this and these" she pulled out a packet and 2 tins from the stores grinning handing them over.

"oh these will be perfect." Jess opened the packet emptying the continence in to a bowl she mixed in the boiling water stirring the powder until it came together in a thick stodgy mash like consistency folding in the continence of the tin cans folding it through so it was even. Adding salt, a extra squirt of garlic mayo, and white pepper

Spooning the mix on to a baking tray she put it in the oven

"how long are they in for? Bomber asked dropping the bowel in to the sink out of sight. She would wash it later.

"ummm 20 minuets" she looked at the paper grinning as her plan came in to action.

20minuets later bomber pulled the tray out of the oven turning her nose up at the slightly anaemic biscuits that sat on the tray. But they had set and looked like home made cookies all be it cookies made by a pre-schooler but still edible. Jess walked back in just as bomber was placing them on a cooling rack

"they have turned out quite well" Bird grinned

"yeah" Bomber was unconvinced "they smell a bit rank though"

"they will be fine, look they just need some sugar and they will be okay" Bird picked up the powdered sugar dusting it over the top of the plate. Heading out to find where dutchy actually was

Kate walked in to the galley pulling a cup out of the cupboard she filled it with fresh brewed coffee. Leaning over she picked up one of the cookies Bomber and Bird had made. Biting in to it.

"X! No" Bird cried. It was like slow motion she was unable to stop Kate biting in to the fake cookie

"ugggh" Kate gagged grabbing for some of the tissue on the side spitting out bite she had just taken "what is that" she downed what was in her coffee cup trying to remove the taste from her mouth but the coffee made it worse.

"instant garlic mash with black beans baked to look like cookies. I made them for Dutch..." Bird stammered horrified that it was the X and not dutchy to fall victim to the prank

"I don't think I want to know" She held her hands up to stop Bird from saying anymore.

"X It was only a joke because Dutchy filled mine and bombers cabin with balloons last night"

"now I really don't want to know. The less I do know the better for us all. Just get rid of them" she walked out heading to her cabin to find her chewing gum to remove the vile taste she still had in her mouth

Gathering up the fake cookies on to a plate Jess carried them through to the mess where Dutchy was sat drinking a coffee. Placing them on the table she smiled at him sweetly

"everything allright chicken legs" he looked up at her

"yeah" she smiled hoping she looked innocent and not guilty "bye" she turned quickly heading out but with in spying distance so she could see him bite in the cookies.

"Petty Officer Mulholland bridge at the rush"

"Damn" Bird whispered under her breath heading unseen in to the galley

Mike walked on to the bridge holding a handful of cookies, sitting in the captains seat he placed the pile on the arm.

Seeing the exact cookies they were Kate smiled "um Sir where did you get those cookies from?" she asked

"oh do you want one" he held one out to her "there is a whole plate in the seniors mess" he smiled biting in to the one in his hand chewing thoughtfully

Kate opened her mouth to say something but he had already swallowed before she had chance

"unusual taste and texture but not bad" he smiled

Shaking her head Kate tried not to laugh only he would find them appetising . "sir we have a suspect vessel on the radar" she smiled supressing her laughs

"do we have it on EOD" he asked turning

"got it Sir FFV with her lines in" 2-dads called

"X call boarding stations" Mike smiled biting in to a second cookie.

"Sir" Kate picked up the PA "Hands to boarding stations Hands to boarding stations Hands to Boarding stations"

When the boarding party had returned Kate found mike in the galley

"Sir the FFV didn't have any catch so we gave them a warning and awaiting to escort them back out the EEZ" she smiled

"Thanks X umm can you take the Ship I am not feeling too good" he half smiled heading in to the ward room.

"Sir? Everything alright" she turned concerned

"fine, its just indigestion playing up, i'll be fine after some Gaviscon"

"Sir I think you should know those cookies earlier, they were prank cookies. Garlic mash and black beans. I think Bird meant them for some one else but it all backfired" Kate tried not to laugh but couldn't help it

"well that explains a lot" he let out a burp , "keep a eye out. We all know how badly these things could end we don't want a war on our hands" he walked in to the ward room.

Bird dashed in to the seniors mess pleaded to see the plate of so called cookies were still there but a little horrified to see that the plate was light a fair few cookies and she had no idea who had been snacking on them.

"Huston we have a problem" she dashed in to the galley holding the plate out to bomber

"yeah I know" bomber turned to her "the CO ate half those cookies and now is stuck in the ward room burping for Australia. It honks in there and the X is not happy either." Bomber turned to the pan she was cooking that nights dinner in.

"Ah Bird just the person I was looking for". Kate walked passed the galley hatch I thought I told you to ditch the cookies in the gash and yet most of them seem to be in the stomach of our CO"

"sorry Ma'am I left them in the seniors mess and then the call for boarding stations came out and I don't know I guess some of the lads found them..."

"yes well now the CO had a dodgy stomach because of the garlic overload and I don't for one minuet think it was Dutchy that put the balloons in your cabin and I would have thought you would have the common sense to come and see me about it. I would expect this childish behaviour of 2-dads but not you. You disappoint me"

Bird hung her head "Sorry Ma'am I don't know what to say.."

"look I know you and this is not like you so consider this a warning. Any more pranks and you will be cleaning the heads with a toothbrush" Kate smiled "understood"

"yes ma'am sorry" she hung her head.

Watching as Kate headed up the passageway she knew that she was right but she still needed to get her own back on dutchy for balloon-gate but if she was to succeed then she needed to keep it off the ship or at least she would need to be more cunning if she were to succeed. It was back to the drawing board and the internet that was awash with pranks and practical jokes that were simple and easy to do. It was just a matter of timing and how she could execute the plan and more importantly not get caught, cleaning the heads was a common naval punishment that dated back to day dot and not one she was keen to experience but at least the cat had been abolished

**so I got this prank of a april fools day post on a site called Buzzfeed then I added all the garlic to make them extra vile :P. hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think x **


	11. Chapter 11

**so just a little bit about mike and Kate. just well just because I thougth it would be fun to see the aftermath of cookie gate and how mike delt with it. enjoy and let me know what you think x **

Hammersley returned to port the following afternoon. They had apprehended another FFV this time with a sizable catch. The only course of action was to arrest the crew and hand them to customs for prosecution.

Walking through the passageways Kate knocked on Mikes cabin door. He pulled it open smiling when he saw her stood in her whites and wearing one of the gas masks.

"Kate?" he grinned at the sight of her in the mask even if it was miss use of Navy property

"Sir are you ready" she mumbled through the mask

"sorry?" he replied "why are you wearing that?"

"oh because of the toxic fumes coming from your gut." She pulled the mask off "are you ready"

"yes" he smiled letting out a small burp

Wafting the smell away from her Kate looked at him. "I'll wait outside Sir" she forced a smile frying not to inhale the toxic gas cloud that was now in front of her.

Mike appeared a few minuets later walking over the gangway stuffing anti-acids in his pocket. After taking several more in the hope they would work.

It was a relative short walk through the base to NAVCOM. It was a nice afternoon with the sun casting a warm glow cross the shore.

Walking in to Commander Whites Office Kate smiled politely although something about their new commander set her teeth on edge. She couldn't read her like she could most people. It annoyed her but she hoped that she could see behind the shield one day. It didn't help that Mike had a previous relationship with her.

"Mike" Maxine smiled

"Max" he smiled back.

"so how was it" Maxine sat on the edge of her desk

"2 FFV's intercepted one escorted back across the line but I expect they will be back and the other handed over to customs" he smiled

" that seems to fit with the latest intel. There seem to be several fleets operating in the Timor Sea and Arafura Sea. Most of the vessels seem to be from Timor or Indonesia."

"well that would fit with were we intercepted the vessels. We picked up the first one here and the second here" he pointed at the two points on the map both in the Timor Sea. Maxine had moved her head close to his. Claiming to see better where he was pointing better. Letting out a huge loud gut wrenching burp. Right in Maxine's face.

"thanks Mike" she wafted the smell away

Kate immediately started to grin. she pulled a tissue from out of her pocket. Hiding behind it she couldn't contain her giggles. Turning them in to a cough she spluttered gasping for air

"Everything alright X" Mike turned to her

"yes Sir sorry, I'm ... I'm just going to get some water" she headed for the door.

"okay I'll see you later X" Mike smiled turning back to Maxine who was rambling on about patrol rotas and how Hammersley was needed to catch the motherships on the line.

Waiting till she was outside and completely out of earshot of commander whites office she burst out in a fit of laughter.

Kate pulled open the door, seeing mike stood on the step, she smiled holding the door open.

"where did you get to?" he asked stepping in

"well I wanted to wait but I almost died laughing, also I kind of figured that you would be a while knocker would have some problem with Ryan"

"yeah sorry about that" he leaned in to kiss her.

Placing her finger on his lips she pushed him away slightly. "have you stopped burping?

"no" he let out a slight burp "what the hell was in those cookies he flopped down on the sofa watching as she walked in to the Kitchen

"Garlic mashed potatoes and black beans" she walked back towards him. "here drink this" she handed him a glass which had a green brown sludgy mud like

"lovely. err Kate what is this?" he asked sniffing the continence of the glass turning his nose up

"just drink it , it will help ?" she grinned

"but whats in it?" he sniffed it again it didn't smell appetizing

"is probably best you don't know" she grinned "down in one" she smiled watching him drink the sludge gagging as the liquid went down his throat

"ugh that was rank Kate what was it" he reached for her glass of wine downing it to get rid of the taste.

"old bush cure for indigestion and trapped wind. Something my grandpa told me, he learnt it from his grandpa. Feeling any better?" she smiled sitting next to him

"wow yes actually despite the vile taste in my mouth." He smiled

"so next time there are random biscuits in the juniors or seniors mess probably best to avoid them"

"that will be probably best" he looked at her.

"so what did Knocker say about you belching right in her face" Kate grinned reminded at the look of disgust on commander white's face.

"oh that she avoided that and quickly moved on to Ryan after you left. You weren't coughing were you?" he looked at her knowing her every tell

"you could tell. Sorry I couldn't help but laugh knockers face was a picture I swear if I had a camera and was aloud to film in side NAVCOM I could have be loaded by now as that would have been classic for the home video shows" she grinned

"well thank goodness for the security then" he grinned "so shore leave, got anything planned" he smiled leaning back making him self comfy on her sofa

Turning to look right at him "well nothing really" she grinned "I was going to sleep in, head to the beach may be go to the gym. What about you Sir anything planned" she looked at him eyes wide.

"not much really" he smiled leaning towards her pulling her closer pushing her down on to the sofa "maybe we can do not much together" he whispered kissing her.


	12. Chapter 12

The shore leave flew by and it didn't help that it had been cut short with a crash sailing. It was always disheartening to be crash sailed especially when it was so soon in to shore leave. Walking over the gangway Jess watched seeing some of the others walking up the quay.

"good shore leave X?" she smiled as she walked passed Kate

"yes thanks Bird" Kate smiled trying to avoid thinking about the leave as it would give her away.

Jess watched as a smart sports car rounded the corner and she could just make out Dutchy in the Driving seat. There was a passenger, a glamorous looking dark haired woman who when she got out to walk round had legs up to her armpits. Draping her self over dutchy she could be mistaken for a rash.

Trying not to watch Jess headed down to her cabin she dumped her bag on the small desk that was in the cabin pulling out her things shoving them in to her cubby.

"Alright Chicken Legs." Dutchy smiled walking past. "good shore leave?" he asked

"yeah not bad you" she smiled trying not to look hurt

"well cant complain at least we had some leave" he smiled

It wasnt till later that Bird got to speak to Bomber about another idea to get Dutchy back considering that the biscuits failed with catastrophic effects. She had thought of leaving it but after this morning when she saw him with that woman who clearly only had one thing on her mind and obviously didn't appreciate him for his brain or how funny he could be like she did

"did you not hear what the X said before leave. You will be cleaning the heads with your toothbrush. She wasnt lying. She will make you do it believe me. She made 2-dads do a lot worse when he spread roomers about her and our old buffer being on with each other if you get me"

"right well that's why I have to be careful and get him when were next on shore. Don't I. He filled this cabin with Red balloons and after he knew how I was after 2-dads dragged me to a midnight screening of IT"

"well all I can say is I am out, its your funeral if the X or the boss catch you" bomber called.

The following morning the cloud base drew in, with a low mist dropping the moisture over them.

"vessel on my port beam this is Australian warship stop or heave to, I intend to board you." Kate called over the loud hailer. "Sir they are refusing to stop."

"okay X take a boarding Party."

"Sir" she handed him the radio stepping down

Taking her hand in his as he moved for the radio. "Be careful, we don't know whats over there"

"sir" she whispered looking in to his grey blue eyes her own flickering reading his mind and where he was going pulling her hand away. Heading down off the bridge.

Jess watched from the EOD the tiny RHIB bounced across the waves weaving from side to side.

"Charlie 8-2 this is x-ray 8-2 boarded with minimal resistance. There is a sizeable catch. Searching below now"

"copy that X make sure you document it all and have dutchy assess for tow."

"Sir" she turned to Dutchy. "did you get that" she asked

"yes Ma'am" he walked off assessing the vessel whilst Kate explained to the crew that they were now in the custody of the Australian Navy and were being taken back to port where they would be handed to customs and charged with the illegal fishing in the EEZ.

It was a slow ride back to base. As soon as they arrived the crew were off loaded and handed straight to customs. With a few hours turn around Jess stood out on deck and was joined by Dutchy

"what you up to slacker" he grinned walking towards her

"hey I Am allowed a break" she protested

"calm down I am only joking" he nudged her arm.

"well its not funny" she huffed still annoyed with him from that morning

"whats up misery" he looked at her

"nothing" she turned to walk away but he side stepped her blocking her path

"come on whats up you haven't been your self since shore leave ended" he looked at her

She went to speak when his phone rang with the same tune she had changed it to. Smiling she turned to him "why haven't you changed it?" she asked grinning cheered up that he still had a little bit of her prank with her

"oh I don't know haven't figured out how to" he grinned "wait how did you know that it had been..." suddenly it hit him it had been her that had changed it "it was you that changed it" he looked at her

"I don't know what you mean" she tried to hide it but he could see it in her eyes

"and there's me thinking it was 2-dads, I would never have thought it would be you. I mean your sweet and innocent"

" so if you thought it was 2-dads why did you fill my cabin with big red balloons after I told you 2-dads made me watch IT and it scared the crap out of me" she looked up at him

"I didn't I would never have done that it must have been..." he said

"2-dads" they said in unison grinning

"I will bloody kill him" Jess began. I had to have my light on all night because I couldn't sleep and it wound bomber up"

"I shall pretend I didn't hear that seaman Bird" he winked at her.

She looked at him "do you want me to change it back for you?" she asked

"nah its pretty cool and I do kinda like the song, and if you tell anyone that it will torcher you"

"so don't mention you have a soft spot for..." she whispered "OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN" finishing with a shout resulting in swain and bomber who were stood on the quay after finishing the hand over looking up at them

You are so going to regret that" he grinned looking at her

**so I think I am done with this one unfortunately but I like the idea of the prank war continuing hense the last line. hope you have enjoyed and thanks for sticking with me. let me know what you think x **


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